There comes a point in our lives where we feel like we don’t belong anywhere or we don’t exactly know who we are anymore. There are numerous things that can cause this in everyday life; something that shakes the entire structure of our personal lives. For me, this event came in the form of a death in my family. I’ve been to several funerals in my young age, but this time was different. This was the first time that someone I lost was someone that I had fresh, vivid memories of and with. Christopher, my cousin, was close to me for a long time and someone that was close to my age and died too young. I honestly didn’t expect it to affect my life so severely, but it did. I found it hard to focus on anything anymore, especially classes and activities. I was constantly tired. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Like the saying goes, “when it rains, it pours.” Around the same time that my cousin’s death happened, I suffered my first big heartbreak. I had fallen in love for the first time and I was rejected. It’s something all romantics go through time and time again; falling for the one that we can’t have or the one that we already let go and can’t seem to get back. “You never know what you have until it’s gone.” That is more true to me now than it has ever been before. Life is surrounded and cluttered with so many material things that we all want, that we take everything we’re given in life for granted; family, friends, shelter and clothing. It’s always more, more, more. It isn’t until you lose one or more of the important things that you look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how you had what you needed the whole time; the things that made living life worthwhile.
As I have said before, I have had several bad spells of depression through my life. This time has been by far the worst, longest lasting and most severe symptoms-wise. But that’s not what I want to focus on in this post today. I want to talk about finally stepping into the “light at the end of the tunnel”. Meaning that I’ve lived out this spell and found a balance in life again. This is where I say, it’s not too late to become who who I always wanted to become. It’s not about being an astronaut or a famous ballerina for but more about acceptance. I need to stay focused on accepting myself. I’m not always going to make the right decisions, but I need to live with whatever I choose to do and always look forward to improving anywhere I can. It’s about motivation and believing in oneself. It’s not impossible to start over, to reinvent oneself; it just takes the want to do so and the drive to never give up.
“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.”
― Gerard Way