I have been pretty stressed out the past few months. As a result of being an emotional eater, I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight, which just led to me being even more stressed out which led me to eat more and so on and so forth. Yes, I had become an Austin Powers villain.
I am working toward going back to a healthier weight. I’ve been consistent with my gym routine again, which is my main form of therapy. I cannot stress enough how good I generally feel mind, body and soul when I get into that groove.
Getting ready for graduate school is stressful enough, getting ready for grad school overseas is even more so. As I mentioned in a previous post, I will be attending NYU Madrid and receiving a M.A. in Spanish and Latin American Linguistic, Literary, and Cultural Studies with a concentration in Applied Linguistics: Spain and Latin America. In other words, Masters in Spanish Linguistics.
This is Madrid’s POST OFFICE. I want to go to there.
Most people do not understand what linguistics is and what the study consists of. Essentially, linguists will specialize in a specific area that deals with language; some deal with how the brain processes language (psycholinguistics/neurolinguistics), sounds (phonetics/phonology), meaning (semantics), etc. I am a sociolinguist; I deal with how people use language and perceive others’ use of language. I am a nerd.
Yes, I am a nerd. No, this is not me.
However, the process involved with applying for a student visa (which includes a lot of annoying things like getting a doctor to clear you of cholera, yellow fever and bubonic plague. BUBONIC PLAGUE! Who even gets that anymore? I mean, come on. It’s 2012, not 1412) has been frustrating, especially with all of the additional paperwork involved with the program, finding an apartment in Spain, planning the travel itinerary, preparing for the classes and research, gathering funds to cover the expenses… it’s all been quite exhausting.
Couple that with working fulltime at Parables & Books, which I love, can just become so overwhelming. The curriculum has been a once in a lifetime and truly rewarding experience, although extremely tedious at the same time. Working with a few authors on publishing their first books has also been so amazing but leaves little room for much else.
I just want to make sure I cover all of my bases before I leave and am as well prepared as possible for this huge turning point in my life. Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed that I feel like running as fast I can and just screaming off the top of my lungs. But then if I did that, I would look like a crazy person and I do not need to worry about the Spanish Consulate denying me a visa due to mental illness. Maybe I should just go to the gym and call it a day.
Motivation. Where is it? Where can one find it? Sometimes I feel so motivated, as though I could take on anything and still get even more done after doing it all really quickly and yet still exceptionally well.
And then, there are other times where waking up seems like the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced. As if peering out of the comforter were akin to beginning the ascent of Mount Everest. I don’t understand how such a vast dichotomy of behavior can reside within myself.
For instance, I had been very consistent with going to the gym for many months. After some switches in my work schedule, this became much harder to maintain. Once I started having a regular situation again, I set my mind to going back to the way I had been before. However, while I love having the regularity of a 9-5 job, I do not enjoy the gym at 6:00 in the evening. So, I thought what better way to start the day than to wake up at 7 to workout for an hour or so before work! This has yet to happen.
I am actually much more of a morning person than a night owl. I prefer waking up early and getting a head start on the day. I’ve even begun to fall asleep between 10 and Midnight (unheard of when I was working a few months ago and getting home from work at 2 or 3 AM). But my body won’t let me get out of bed until no earlier than 8. I don’t know, maybe my body is catching up on lost sleep.
Either way, I’m trying to figure out how to have more days where I take on the world and surpass my expectations than the ones where I feel sluggish like a paralyzed tree sloth. Hmm. Maybe I can somehow capitalize on the energy I have those days by bottling it up, like solar power.
Speaking of solar power, maybe my recent lack of motivation has been the uncharacteristically rainy days we’ve been having this week. Apparently, the Sun actives the DNA in our bodies to help us perform better. Or maybe it just provides us with Vitamin D. I don’t know. At least one of those statements is definitely true.
As the Carpenters said, or at least Karen Carpenter sang, “Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.” See, I don’t mind Mondays; in fact, I am a fan of them. Nothing against Garfield, I just appreciate the beginning of something new, in this case, a new week. I just don’t like a rainy Monday.
But let’s get one thing straight; I don’t not like the rain. I love the rain! I think rain is important. Who wants to deal with a drought? I just don’t enjoy too many gray, dreary days back to back. Once in a while, interspersed between many bright, sunny days, I can appreciate a rainy day. This week has been just a bit depressing.
Where is my comforter?
“Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat”
Back in November, my position at my former employer was eliminated, which meant I no longer had a job. Of course, I went through all of the stages of grieving. It’s amazing how much of our self worth can be tied to our work. Once we are no longer working, whether or not it’s our choice, we can feel such a sense of loss in who we are as individuals. When my son was off to daycare and my husband gone to work, I struggled so much with, “what do I do with myself now?” I would awake with such a heavy sense of gloom. Most people dreaded Monday because they had to go to work. I dreaded it for the opposite reasons. Now some may find this just a little bit curious and think of me just a bit off my rocker (chuckle). I know my mother thought so. But bear in mind that I had been going to work over the last 20+ years and this wasn’t a choice that I had made but one that was made for me.
I first allowed the holidays to numb me to my new reality. January 2nd set in and I had to face what was before me and make some decisions. Of course, one of the first questions asked of me was, what do you want to do? And my answer, “I don’t know!” I did know I didn’t want to work in an industry where jobs are easily outsourced. But then the question becomes, where do I go from here? The health field is the hottest growing industry. So, should I follow the path of my mom who was a nurse?
Well, I suppose I should say that of all the things that caused anxiety and depression, (yes, I was depressed) my age was not something I viewed as a hindrance. I guess that’s because I ascribe to the camp that believes that second chances can happen at any stage of your life. For some reason, the world tells us that if you’re not “successful” or have found your path by 30, you have failed. THIS IS NOT TRUE! Many of the framers of our constitution were middle-aged men. When Thomas Paine wrote the “Rights of Man,” he was in his fifties. What you’re doing at 30 you may not be doing at 50 and at 70; you may very well have found your true passion. Look at Betty White, 90 and still going.
I say all this to say….life is an evolution. I supposed that is the beauty of it. Although sometimes evolving is painful it can and does lead to second chances. But it is up to us to seize them when they come. I know I did. That is why I am working at Parables & Books and loving it! But that’s a post for another day.